Volcanofreak Land

Pop Tarts & Toasters Don't Mix

2006-08-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm getting ready for work as usual and I decide to make me some Pop-tarts for breakfast. Lately my toaster has been burning them instead of cooking them nicely. The first set burned a bit, so I took them out and put in two new ones. I turned the browning selector way down thinking it would cook them less and then walked away to get Elsa ready. About 5 minutes went by and I had not heard them pop up yet, so I came into the kitchen only to see foot high flames raging out of the toaster. Oh crap!

I totally started to panic and wondered if I should get the fire extinguisher or not. I ran to the bathroom to get a towel all wet and went back to the toaster to unplug it and then smother the flames. I them poured pans of water on the top until the fire was out. What a mess. Toaster is jacked, towel scorched and the nasty smell of burnt fruit is ripe in my house now. I can't get that smell to go away! Later I found out this is a common occurrence with toasters and Pop-tarts. Great, wish I had known that. My cupboards are singed a little and the whole place would have burned up if I hadn't caught it when I did. What a fun way to start the morning, and I still had to go to work after all that. Fun times.

66 Things Survey (But the numbers are off)

2006-08-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

66 Things you didn't need to know about me.

1.) Where were you when the ball dropped for 2006?it was the 1st year I can remember where I stayed home and didn't go to a party

2.) How did you get the idea for your myspace name?It's not really a name because I wasn't sure I was going to be on here much

3) What are you listening to right now?it's pretty quiet around here at 11pm

4.) Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?no, but I always get choked up when I remember that little girl from Stanton Samantha Runion that got abducted, molested and killed by that piece of shit Alejandro Avila

5.) Have you ever been to a zoo?just went the San Diego Zoo for the first time last November

6.) Do you live in a zoo?:work can be like a zoo

7.) What did you do this morning?caught the toaster on fire (no joke too, see my blogger post)

9.) Where do you work?Brand new title company in their escrow division

11.) What are the last two digits of your phone number?02

12.) What was the last concert you attended?Cyndi Lauper

13.) Who was with you?Sheila

14.) What is the last movie you watched?in the theater was Pirates: Dead Man's Chest

15.) What do you dislike at the moment?this foul smell in my kitchen from the toaster fire

16.) What food do you crave right now?cheese

17.) Did you dream last night?nothing I can remember last night
1
8.) What was the last TV show you watched?The King of Queens

19.) What is your favorite piece of jewelry?I don't where jewelry at all

20.) Name someone on your Top 8 who is just like you?I've never met anyone like me

21.) Whats the last thing you ate?Wendy's burger and side salad

24.) Are you on any medication?Birth Control

25.) What side of the bed do you sleep on?the right side from the perspective of laying on it

26.) What color shirt are you wearing?pink

27) what color is your razor?the orange and white guy ones

28.) What is your favorite frozen treat?frozen banana

29.) How many tattoos/piercings do you have?just pierced ears

30.) Whats your favorite store?Between Target and Best Buy

31.) Are you thirsty right now?
water please

32.) Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?Probably no unless it's Mr. Brady

33.) Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?My friend Jessica

34.) What did you do last night?relaxed

35.) Do you care what people think about you?only if they are true friends

36.) Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?I have road rage quite often

37) Do you like your nose?
what a stupid question

38.) what color is your bedroom?many shades of blue (not by choice though)

41.) Do you like pedicures?sure, but I haven't had one since Sheila's wedding in 1999

42.) Where do you live?GGC

43.) Are you an aggressive driver?see question 36

44.) Whos your crush?Tom Jones when he was young

45.) Do you like the person who posted this last?oh, I guess so :)

46.) Do you know their Birthday?yes

47.) What is the thing you'd want to change most about yourself?tummy tuck

48. What color is you car?blue

49.) What do you smell like right now?just got out of the shower, so clean

50.) What is your favorite color?blue, really it is

51.) Do you like mustard?yes

52.) What do you tell yourself when times get hard?at least I know my daughter loves me

53.) Would you ever sky dive?maybe. I think before I had a kid I was more daring like that. Not sure now.

54.) What size bed do you sleep on?CA King BABY!

55.) What character from a movie/TV most reminds you of yourself?Stands with a fist from Dances with Wolves

56.) Have you ever bid for something on ebay?many times yes

57.) What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant?she's a pretentious bitch

58.) Do you enjoy giving hugs?and getting them

59.) Would you consider yourself to be fashionable?no way

60.) Do you own a digital camera?yep, Canon A20 Powershot. love it.

62.) Who is your favorite Star Wars character?Han Solo

63.) Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?sometimes

64.) What books, if any, have made you cry?none that I can think of

65.) Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat?hell no. bring it on!

66.) If you were born the opposite sex what would your name be?Eric

Cleaning Old Stuff From My Computer

2006-08-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Man I can't believe I still have stuff like the following on my hard drive. I guess a few years back Randy backed up his hard drive on to mine and let me tell you there is some crazy shit on there! Nasty pictures, mutilated body part pics, gross mpegs and psycho rantings like the following. This crap is getting dumped tonight!!!

Here I write this memo, about 22 hours from the year 1999.
Every once in awhile I feel it is necessary to write about things that I am thinking about such that I can look back later in life and attempt to put those ideas into some sort of meaningful format.
I have been living here in Verano Place on the campus of the University of California, Irvine since July 10, 1998. Since my marriage to Ericka L. Nelson things have been going well, and now that the Fall quarter has ended and the Winter quarter is about to begin I have had a moment of emptiness in my life. This is by the way not at all uncommon. I have noticed when I am not busying myself with some task or another I tend to do a lot of thinking about distant and fantastic things. This time it has to do with our place as humans in this world. Now before you think IÂm ranting about some sort of Âmeaning of lifeÂ inquisition, try to think about it in a rational way. We are born at some date in history, we live a little while and then we die. Just as I have no recollection of what has happened before my birth, likewise should I expect I should have no recollection of having lived after my death?
I remember my brother once telling me about a conversation he had with our great grandmother, Mary Hall a long time ago. Mary was a sturdy woman and very strong in her ways. My brother recalled a time when she had told him that when she dies, if there was a way to come back, or communicate with him, she would do so. Well that must have been at least 20 years ago or more and so far he hasnÂt mentioned anything about Mary Hall talking to him. Is it because she was unable to communicate with him, or maybe she wasnÂt there to do so?
If we have no recollection of a previous existance in this lifetime, what can we expect after our death?
Lately I have noticed a feeling of mortality about me. I do not feel sickly whatsoever, but sometimes I just notice my heart beating and I can picture it stopped, and my body empty of life and animation. I do fear what lies beyond this world, just as a child fears his first day at a new school. I am aware also that even with all of the ingenuity and ambition of thought which I have been granted (or condemned with?) in this world, there is probably little which can be done about stopping the clock which governs our time on this earth and prolonging the experience of what we call Âlife.Â
So we have few options. As a physicist-in-training, I have devoted my mind to determining the ways of the world, but I have been given a secret time limit in which to accomplish my work. Imagine what great things Einstein could have come up with had he been alive today to complete his research and endeavor to begin new projects! It is a shame that such great minds be silenced.
Next year will begin the new millenium. This is a pivotal moment, which will be remembered by all who experience it and conveyed to younger generations as a time which they would never forget. And, I will probably live to see it. I will be 28 years old. Such a fabulous time to be alive, IÂd expect. I hope to be somewhere far from here, perhaps in England, to celebrate this great event.
I wonder why lately IÂve been thinking a lot about childhood. I continue to find pictures of childhood events in my mind, and the feelings and thoughts I had in my head when those events occurred. ItÂs almost as if time is going in reverse or something. Really strange. I hope it doesnÂt signify the prelude of something big on the horizon. I was thinking about something yesterday that I almost told Ericka, but didnÂt. What if I had a nuclear weapon in the house set to detonate in, say, 5 minutes, with no way to disarm it? What kind of thoughts would be going through my mind? What types of feelings of fear would that invoke? Would I get the Âlife flashing before my eyesÂ sort of thing? Or would I just break down and wait for the moment to happen, putting aside all other thoughts in my mind? ItÂs difficult to imagine the answers to such a question, because I have never been in a situation in which I thought I was going to die. I wonder how that would affect oneÂs mind?

Have I Made A Terrible Mistake?

2006-08-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, so most of you don't know the whole deal with what went down with my last place of employment. I have to say it was not good. I had a good job. I worked for a company that could weather all the ups and downs of the real estate market. The owners had hired my manager thinking she was a strong choice to run their newest office in Costa Mesa 4 years ago. She came to work for Tiempo and most of her close friends and some new ones joined the team. We had a good run.

Then, without warning the world was tossed upside down. She was fired in June, along with her closest supporters. It was a bad day for everyone, and it has made things most uncomfortable for all. Eventually she set up shop elsewhere and began to call to those whom she deemed loyal. She called to me among 5 others. Sheila left first. That has a tough blow, but not the end of the world. My clients were happy, the business on my desk was consistent, I had what I needed to keep on doing well for some time. I figured, let these people go and follow and I will wait behind to decide my own fate. That was not for me to decide I guess. With so much peer pressure and a little sabotage on my old boss's part, there seemed little hope that things could stay as they had been. She began to undermine my existence and pretty much make me an offer I couldn't refuse. A total catch 22.

I left Tiempo on August 1st. Told no one until then, not even my assistant of 2 1/2 years. I felt bad. There was no looking back. I took a blind leap of faith, but now I'm not so sure about my decision. The new place is a fresh start-up title company that is completely different in every way. Smaller and without a strong base of employees from the get go. They do not have a tenacious work ethic as the rest of us. We are in a foreign land. It is not where I should be at this point in my carreer. I know I can't go back, but I am really worried about the future of those who followed. We all want this to work, but are we really prepared for the road ahead? Already my boss is starting up fights with our HR gal. Her temper is flaring its ugly head at the drop of a hat. She's mad about what happened to her granted, but she is jeopardizing my job by being this way. It sucks. I so didn't need this right now with all the other fun stuff life has chucked at me. I wish I had held out and stayed where I was at least a few more months. By then I could have maybe determined how this new company was going to work out. I'm kicking myself for giving in so easily to duress from others. I really gotta work on that.

Thanks for listening.

These Ads Really Hit The Spot

2006-08-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.fatherhood.org/psa_tv.asp

I love the first one.

Dad is a verb, like catch and hug and listen. It is not just something you are, it is something you do, like laugh and read and play. Are you doing anything more important? Have you been a dad today? ( I should buy this shirt and wear it on the nights Randy picks up Elsa)

I'm Just Getting Warmed Up!

2006-08-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be dad."

http://www.fatherhood.org/ Should I send this link to my ex?

Godfather Quote

2006-08-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

"A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man".

Just Because I Can

2006-08-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm starting my deadbeat dad campaign against Randy. Finding some great ideas online. I might even send a few of these over to him.

IT TAKES TWO
Children are living breathing human beings - not cute little puppies that you leave on a street corner, drop with relatives, or abandon when you get tired of the responsibility. They are a life long commitment.

If you are not paying child support just because (shame on you). You better look at the big picture, grow up, and get a life. You produced a child for whatever reason and that child is 1/2 your responsibility whether you like it or not (not the governments responsibility) .
You are self servant and engrossed with your own feelings, your playtime, your money, your power, and only interested in what you want. You care about no one but yourself. Often times you run when found, jump state, hide behind other people, organizations, and unfortunately act as the wolf in sheeps clothing sometimes hiding behind scripture to substantiate your actions.

Someone Is Dragging Ass

2006-08-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, let me know what you all think on this. At this point my attorney has sent several letters to Randy's attorney asking for paycheck stubs and an answer to our revised settlement offer that only changed him to pay for Elsa's medical. He already put her on his medical insurance through his job and I have cards already. This was first sent back in June. It is now mid August and no reply at all from him or his attorney. I believe he is dragging his feet because we are at the end and he now realizes he will have to start paying me child support. Am I off here people? I don't see any other hold up, and Randy has been avoiding me when he drops Elsa off now and not calling me back on this.

I did leave him a nasty e-mail right now to try and get a response because he e-mailed me today to say he can't pick her up on Fridays anymore for the next 3 weeks. I'm a little miffed here. I probably shouldn't have sent what I did, but I need a dialog going here. If he has an issue then he can call his fucking attorney and put more of his money out! I will just have to have my parents go get her from daycare on Randy's days before he does. Bad I know, but I'm in a losing battle here. Not much favoring me at this point and all the perks are going to the ex. Not cool.

Just Got Back

2006-08-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

I've been in Sedona for a few days, so I realized I hadn't posted in a week. Once I get the pictures going I will have more to share on the trip. It was very relaxing, and very hard to come back. I don't look forward to going back to work tomorrow, but if I don't then I won't have any clients left and my career will be screwed. I have mixed feelsing about my future, but I hope I can resolve some stuff in the coming weeks.

LegoLand

2006-08-06T11:35:00.000-07:00

Took Elsa to LegoLand on Friday with my friend Shea and her daughter Alicia. It was a totally fun trip. Elsa went on her first roller coaster which was pretty amazing for 5 years old. She loved it! She wanted to go on again. We went on two little kid coasters and one went around 2 times. I got pictures for both, but this one is when we went on the Coastersaurus. LegoLand is a fairly big park, and we went on almost every ride. They have a miniland with all these famous buildings made out of Legos and all different themed lands like Pirates, Knights and Dinosaurs. A lot of the rides have Lego play areas for the kids to hang out in while the parents wait in line. What a great idea! Elsa and Alicia had fun building Lego towers all over the park. It was a warm day, and we found the water play area toward the back of the place. I bought some water shoes for Elsa and she went right in all the crazy fountains and splash pools they had. She played there for over an hour! I got a bit wet too, but I couldn't help it. I love water. They had one spot where you stand and a bucket fills up and dumps on your head when you stand under it. Elsa liked that one. The new Pirate ride where you spray water on your opponents was too long to wait, but we sprayed riders from the sidelines which was fun too. This is a great place to take little kids.

Tomato Time

2006-08-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

My cherry tomatoes are in full swing. They are a pretty small variety, but great in salads.

Just Tired

2006-07-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

The heat really gets to you, and I feel tired a lot. Work has been mentally draining as well with the whole "situation" (not gonna go into detail yet on that). At night I have been getting croupy and my nose is draining like crazy. Elsa has the same thing and I think it is caused by having the fans blow on us or the AC in my room. Not sure, but I got green stuff coming up from my chest. I can't stop coughing all day and my voice is really low sounding. I slept in late today more then usual. Now I can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I need to clean my house, go grocery shopping and get haircuts for me and the daughter. I just don't feel like doing anything. Blah.

Hot Weather, Hot Tempers

2006-07-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

It seems that the weather matches me and my dad's tempers lately. Today was so hot and humid around here, and I just get irritated faster with the heat. It seems like my dad has to make everything about himself right now, and it's hard to be around him when he gets like that. I just want to talk to him and share ideas equally. It just bugs.

Last night was an ok time though. After work me and this girl from work and a former girl from work all went out to the OC Fair for the night. We ate, shopped and played games until we dropped. The only thing about these two girls is that they love to spend money. Especially on unnecessary items. I couldn't believe all the crazy stuff they were buying. It was hard to get by without spending too much.

Today was my mom's birthday and she turned 59. Last year in the fifties I told her. I think she thinks 60 means old, but I don't think so. I think 70 will be old for her. My dad turns 60 in September. Anyway, I took her to lunch at El Torito and then we went shopping for a bathing suit for her to take on the Sedonna trip next month. We came back to her house and my dad had a birthday cake waiting for her that he and Elsa picked out. She told me she had not had a cake in many years, but I know I remember getting her an ice cream cake the year before last. Regardless I think she enjoyed it, and now we are back home in the hot box.

It's like 100 outside and 85 inside. The only thing saving me is a window AC that Sheila's mother-in-law gave to me because she's not using it in her side patio room anymore. I am so thankful for that because my room is the only tolerable room in the house right now. Elsa will have to sleep in there with me tonight because the air is gnarly outside with no breeze. The box fans are not cutting it. We've been playing in the sprinkler out back and I just want to curl up on my bed and watch TV in my room all night. There are big thunder clouds collecting around now, so maybe we will have a thunder shower. It would be cool to see some lightening.

Manimal TV Show

2006-07-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember this crazy 80s TV show but me? Check out the premise:

Jonathan Chase was a British college professor at New York University who had the unusual ability to transform into any kind of animal. He used his powers to battle crime alongside pretty policewoman Brooke and Vietnam-war pal Ty.

SWEET!

He liked turned into a panther and a hawk and shit. I loved it! If you want to the see the show intro go here: http://www.retrojunk.com/details_tvshows/463-manimal

Cool Concerts

2006-07-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

Saw Cyndi Lauper last night at the Fair. She wailed! The opening band was an old obscure 80s group called Wall of Voodoo. They sang that "Mexican Radio Song" that totally gets stuck in your head. They do this funky version of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire that is actually pretty cool. They did it twice. Then Cyndi came out and did her classics, but with an acoustic guitar and one of those harp things you sit on your lap and strum. Very pretty sounding. Her voice is still good, and she hopped around stage for Change of Heart & Money Changes Everything. Her She-Bop song I was so looking forward too, but she did it acoustic and it was a little weird that way. Of course the finale was Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Just like Pat Benatar last Summer having to sing Hit Me With Your Best Shot, they both didn't want to sing those songs so they get the audience involved to help them out mentally I guess.

After the concert I hung out around the booths selling stuff and found a neat lady selling Pirate stuff. I bought a cool wine bottle holder with a Pirate and a cannon, and the wine bottle makes up part of the cannon. I bought one of those sailing scopes too in case I need to go sailing the high seas anytime soon. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Jam Packed Weekend

2006-07-15T22:32:00.000-07:00

Too much to go into detail on, but here are some random highlights.

Elsa and I went to the OC Fair on Thursday. Hot day, but we had fun. Got her to try a new ride this year that we both could go on together. It's like a Superman type ride where you lay down to ride like you are flying. Pretty cool. She dug it. Watched a magic show for kids. Petted the animals. Nice to go during a weekday too which was less crowded. Here are some pictures.
Yes, this flower clock actually works. I must of stood there for a good 15 minutes watching this thing.

Friday I went to see Pirates Of The Caribbean. It was ok. Long movie. In the evening went to see The Steve Miller Band at the Pacific Ampitheater. The show totally rocked, not to mention the 5 beers I had. Did the drunken dial too. Hey Rol, you should have been there! :)

Today I drove to Dana Point for a going away beach party for this woman I work with. Her daughter had planned the whole thing, and she picked the best spot at this little kid beach with no waves. I got to kayak for the first time. It was totally fun and very relaxing. Elsa rode one for a little bit. Too wobbly for her I think. Good thing I went out early because later a huge wind started up and one lady flipped over and had trouble getting back to shore. After that I had to race back to Huntington Beach for a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party for Elsa's old school friend Madison. I was pretty exhausted by then, but made it through. Now I'm beat. Tomorrow should just be a rest day I think.

4 Days Off

2006-07-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

These are really badly needed days off. I need to do fun stuff, as well as some household crap too. It's going to be a busy weekend so far. Tomorrow Elsa and I are going to the OC Fair for the day. Friday is shopping for birthday gifts and seeing the Pirates movie. Also the Steve Miller Band concert. Saturday is a beach party in the morning and a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party at 4pm. Sunday will be my rest day. Tonight I was going to go shop, but now the contractor guy for my bathroom has to come by to write up an estimate for the insurance company. So much fun. Not. I just want to relax and enjoy life a little. Stop and smell the roses or something to that affect.

Am I The Only One Blogging Anymore?

2006-07-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

I think maybe. It's just me and the volleyball.

Can't Win

2006-07-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well it is always a tough choice of spending every weekend with Elsa alone or trying to make a playdate happen. The playdates are usually with Sheila and Audrey, and it is a crap shoot everytime. Some times the girls play nice, and sometimes they literally start beating each other up! I don't know what to do. Today I spent the morning cleaning the house, and then went out to run a few errands before coming back home to wait for Sheila and Audrey. She always schedules the visits in the late afternoon, which blows because that is when Elsa gets the most cranky. She gets up early, so her day is winding down around 4pm if she doesn't take a nap, which she never does on the weekends. That's when Sheila decides to come over. I freakin hate it. Well, we went to Red Lobster and the girls were pretty hyper. Audrey cannot sit still to save her life, so Elsa starts to act up and then all chaos breaks loose. We then went to the mall for an hour, and they ran everywhere. Sheila does not discipline her daughter at all. After that, the girls started in on each other and by 8pm it was all over. Audrey says mean things to Elsa and hits her. It's so bullshit. That little girl is beyond spoiled and I think now they are not going to be able to play together anymore. It is not pleasant, and I'd rather put a hot poker in my eye. I'm over it!

Happy Belated 4th of July

2006-07-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

Been busy the last few days. Got to leave work early on Monday and I went to buy a portable gas BBQ for making hamburgers on the 4th. Also bought a Beta fish for Elsa. I can't believe I'm doing the fish thing again, but Betas are pretty cool and they love swimming inside rocks and stuff which my goldfish never did. He is blue and purple, but has no name yet. Any suggestions? Here is a picture.

Elsa and I had fun on the 4th. Played sidewalk chalk, and grilled yummy hamburgers.

Went to my parents in the evening and did fireworks there. I was drinking mass beers and lighting those green crackle bombs. Not the best combo. Totally got burning embers all over my bare legs. Ouch. Still it was fun. Elsa and Audrey ran around like little nutballs. We had a lot of fireworks, so we kept going until around 11pm. I asked for next Thursday and Friday off and totally got it short notice and all. Sweet. Now I have to figure out what I'm doing. Friday night is the Steve Miller Band concert and I finally got someone to go. Should be a fun evening. The OC fair starts tomorrow, so I'm totally looking forward to going soon. I gotta squeeze in the new Pirates movie too somewhere. I might wait until after opening weekend though. It's going to be insane. Ciao for now.

A Little Down

2006-07-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my friend Valerie from work is now moving to Eureka in a month. After getting terminated at work, I guess she figured she'd get the hell out of Dodge. I will miss her a lot. She will probably be a lot happier there, but it's hard to watch people move away. She came by to say goodbye yesterday and I gave her a picture of Elsa to take with her. Not a great day for me. Today I feel even worse. Elsa is pretty bored, but it's too hot to go outside. I was going to take her to Wild Rivers, but figured we would get majorly sunburned and she always has a meltdown when it's hot. Maybe another time.

Trying to keep the house cool. Fans seem to be going nonstop. Mom brought me some Chinese food last night so I didn't have to cook. That was nice. Watched my Strange Brew video. It totally reminded me of being a teenager. Those were fun times. I have to work tomorrow which really sucks. Most of our clients are off, so it should be a slow day. I swear I'm gonna sit around and do nothing. I can't believe they won't let us have it off. People blow.

Firsts, A Kid Thing

2006-06-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

Looks like today was a lot of new firsts for us moms. Jessica called and said Spenser lost his first tooth. That's a big first. I took Elsa to her new school and we had breakfast in the morning together for the first time. Always were in a rush before and I would eat in the car on the way to work, and she would eat when she got to daycare. So that was a first. I also packed her a lunch for school for the first time. I always had her at places where someone else made her lunch each day, so I was a little spoiled on that. I didn't mind though. I liked doing it. Then I started to think of all the lunches I will be packing for her over her school years and that was a scary revelation. Yikes.

It seems like Elsa had a good first day at school. They are learning about dinosaurs this week. They have a neat little section in the classroom with lots of different ones to look at. Why is it that all kids say their favorite dinosaur is T-rex? She's in the purple room which is cool because that's her favorite color. They started waterplay days too, so I have to rememebr to pack extra clothes each day and buy her some of those water shoes. I wish I was back in preschool again. Those were the days. Being an adult can really blow!

Sheila had her birthday today, and I had a special delivery for her. I ordered this thing called an Edible Arrangement that is all kinds of fruit shaped to look like flowers in a pot. And you eat it! I had some of the fruit dipped in chocolate too! Very tasty. I think she dug it. I also had some people come to my home and disinfect underneath my bathroom all the mold growing down there. They spread out some chemical deodarant all over the dirt and did a little fumigation under my master bath. I don't know what smells worse the mold or this stuff, but hopefully it will kill the mold under the house and the funky smell will fade away. State Farm still can't decide if they will cover the floor and wall damage from the water leak. They are way dragging ass. It's going to be expensive and I'm even wondering if I should do anything if they don't cover a part of the cost. Just have to wait and see. Ok the fruit basket and mold stories don't really mix, but I just sort of blurt things out as they come to mind.

Is Honesty The Best Policy?

2006-06-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

Well I had the opportunity to cash two refund checks under both mine and Randys name and I decided not to do it. I told him about the checks and that I needed him to sign them for deposit and I would give him his half. He didn't even know about them, so that made me feel like why didn't I just cash them? I don't really know the answer to that question. Maybe down the road I feared that he would find out and ask me about it when he does his taxes or something. I don't want to think about any more attorney issues or excuses for him to have something on me. Maybe that is the answer to my decision. Too late to change my mind now. The 2nd thing that happened to me today occured at my bank. I went in for a $200 withdrawal and a new guy in training was my teller. He started to count back the money and started going into $300 dollars when I said wait a minute I only wanted $200. If I had looked at my receipt I would have seen that he only withdrew $200 and I could have walked away with an extra $100, but once again I was honest and told him of the error. That one didn't bother me as much as the the 2 checks. Weird how I made both these choices today. I guess I am more honest then I thought. Gotta knock that shit off. :)

The Call Of The Open Road

2006-06-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

I swear if I don't get some time off to travel I'm gonna die! I have a small 3 day trip to Sedona planned for August, but I really can't wait that long. There are so many places I would like to go to but can't seem to get the time off. If I do get time it's only like 3 or 4 days, so the trips have to be more local. Here is a list of places I want to go. Some close, some far.

-Carlsbad, NM
-Sedona/Grand Canyon, AZ (August I hope)
-Solvang and do the Sideways wine tour
-Cambria, CA (looks quaint)
-Northern, ID

Muggy

2006-06-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

It was very muggy today. The clouds kept the heat in and it was a total stay indoors day. I kept all the blinds closed and that helped keep things cool. Went out once to go to Target and that was enough outside time for me. Elsa's whole day consisted of taking Motrin, watching TV and bugging the cat. She ate a little, but her throat is sore. I just gave her a nice cool bath and she's off to bed now. Randy is going to watch her tomorrow and take her to the doctor. I know, I'm shocked too. It would be nice if he could watch her for a few days until the antibiotics kick in.

Time for a cold brewski. "Take off, you hoser!"

1 Month Anniversary

2006-06-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday marked my being in the new place for a month now. I got my dining room table delivered and it looks great. Almost too nice looking for the rest of the house. Dad came over and installed the range, so it's in and ready to use. Threw out the last of the empty boxes from the move, so my side yard is clean. Everything is looking pretty good. I still have a hard time remembering to water the grass often. I've got a few brown patches now which sucks, but I'm determined to get it looking green again. I'm hoping this coming week to start some cleanup of the mold under the house. I have to call these people that come and deodorize that stuff. It will smell so much better after that I'm sure.

Last night Elsa was tired early and only wanted to watch vidoes on the couch. At 9pm I went to pick her up to put her in bed and she was burning up with fever. It was around 104 and I gave her the Motrin right away and some cold wash clothes for her forehead. It finally subsided and she was asleep all night. This morning the fever is back at 104, and I know this is probably strep or tonsillitis. Her tonsils get inflammed at the drop of a hat and she's been due for it again. That means antibotics and doctor, which I won't be able to get to this week because of month end and all the choas at work. She was suppose to start her new school tomorrow and that's looking out of the question now. Man this sucks. I will have to see if mom can take her or maybe Randy if he is not working now. I don't even have everything ready for Elsa to start the new school. We did get a lunch box yesterday, but I still need a few more things before she starts which I was going to do today. I don't want to drag her to Target, but maybe if the Motrin kicks in we can run over there really quick. I need groceries for the week, so I don't know if I can squeeze that in too. I hate when she gets ill!

The Surreal Life

2006-06-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

It's been really funky at work this week with the whole shakedown and coup. The owners and their cronies are spread out all around us looking for signs of anarchy or desertion.
Mad crazy. We all are just trying to do our jobs with an infastructure that we know works, but these middle peeps are not onboard. Or maybe we aren't on board with them. I don't know, but it's confusing and too strange for me. They took our plates! Still some silverware. What now I wonder? Are our jobs safe or will we get canned too. Hard to say. I wish it was Friday.

Then there is the weird ex. I haven't talked much with him since the move, but he is a nutball still from what I can tell. His new thing is leeches. Yes, you heard me right. Blood suckers. Some guy at his work had some, and told him how neat it is to let them bite you. Whatever! So what does Randy do? Yep, brought one home to his mother's house and let it suck on his arm. He said it stings a bit and that it won't stop bleeding once the things done because of the anticoagulant. GROSS! Why was I married to this person again? Elsa's having nightmares now telling me she dreams daddy is putting leeches on her. How wonderful. Don't be that guy Randy. Don't be the man who lives with his mother and has pet leeches. Oh....wait a minute, he is!

My Boss Got Shitcanned Today

2006-06-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

I was totally shocked too. I didn't see it coming, but she was pissing off the owners quite a lot. Not sure why she was digging herself a hole, but now the whole office is a total mess. A new manager starts tomorrow, and we are all in disarray. This has got to be one of the weirdest and most unexpected days I have ever had. Felt like I was going through my divorce all over again ya know with that helpless kind of feeling. I have mixed feelings about it, but I know I want to keep my job so I will be sucking up hard to the newcomer. I am trying to look at this as a growth opportunity, and convince everyone else there of that too. I know some may leave but for the ones who need a paycheck, it's not an option.

P.S. Valerie the assistant manager was let go too because they are related.

Weekend Review

2006-06-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

Well, Friday I came home right after work and decided to just hang out and watch a movie. It was so nice and peaceful. After the fun week I had with my plumbing issues it was nice to relax. The leak is finally fixed, but my wall has a big hole from where the guy had to smash through to reach the leak. So now I have a hole behind the washer and in my bathroom. There is funky black mold growing in there too. It smells rank. I can't wait to get the wood replaced, but I have to wait and see what State Farm says about it. It is going to be a total remodel in there of the walls and floor. I don't know how long it will take, but I hope not too long. Best to get it over with in the Summer while it's warm I reckon.

Saturday I slept in until 10am. Went to the bank to change my address with them and order new checks. The guy told me he will mail me a new PIN number in 3 to 5 days. Finally! I've been waiting to use my debit card for over a month now. Then I went to see Cars with Elsa. She had some of the toys from McDonalds and wanted to see the movie. I didn't mind going again. We had a good time. Visited with Michelle in the evening and Elsa had a great time visiting with her cats. I think Koda was a little pissed at me for having other cat smells on my clothes. She woke me up at 5am and started crying big time. She still does that now and then even if I let her outside.

I know this is early, but I started thinking about where I want to put the Christmas tree. I think it will go in my living room between the couch and the entertainment center. We can watch Christmas movies and star at it at the same time. It will make a nice focal point and be out of the way. Ok, enough on that.

Sunday I awoke to the phone ringing and Sears calling me to deliver my new stove. I rushed around to move the sofa and sweep behing the old stove. It's way nasty back there. The guys came and took the old one, but guess what? The new stove has a fitting for a 3/4 inch valve and the one in my house is 1/2 inch. Crap. He tried to take the hose off my stove to fit a 1/2 inch one on, but it wouldn't budge. He didn't have a reducer either. Double crap. So they just left it int he middle of my kitchen and I have to have my dad come over tomorrow night to get it to work. He was in Anza all weekend, so that kinda sucked. After that I was like I'm outta here. I called mom and we went to the swap meet. I have not been there in years. It's changed a lot. All the people were selling mostly new stuff. Hardly any garage sale type sellers. I didn't see much of anything I wanted to get, and it was plenty hot out. Elsa started having a meltdown, so we left. Don't think I will be back there any time soon. It sucked ass.

Next we went to Lowe's and I bought a lawnmower. My grass is already insane again since I weedwacked it 2 weeks ago. Too hard to keep up with just that, so now I have an electric mower and it works great. Grass is all nice and even looking too. Elsa and I planted some flowers together and then I watered like crazy. Did more house chores and now it's time for bed. Where do these weekends go! I really wish I had some time off, but I need to check the work calendar to see what's available in July. Work is starting to get busy now, so this month is out for vacation days. Pooh.

Feelings

2006-06-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

This song pretty much sums up how I felt last year. Not my favorite song, but the lyrics really hit home.

Torn Lyrics
by Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
he was warm he came around like he was dignified
he showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
you don't seem to know - or seem to care what your heart is for
I don't know him anymore
there's nothing where he used to lie
my conversation has run dry
that's what's goin' on
nothing's fine
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
you're a little late
I'm already torn
so I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
but you `crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care, I have
no luck
I don't miss it all that much
there's just so many things
that I can't touch
I'm torn
there's nothing where he used to lie
my inspiration has run dry
that's what's goin' on
nothing's right I'm torn...
[chorus]

And Now This

2006-06-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

This article showed up on Yahoo today right after I purchased one of Starbucks new Bananna Mocha Fraps for the first time. 720 calories! Crips! It was pretty tasty though. Gotta try the coconut one next.

The Scoop On Poop

2006-06-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

Check out this site for everything you ever wanted to know about poop: http://www.heptune.com/poop.html

Speaking Of Concerts

2006-06-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

I have already gotten a start on my concert-going by checking out the lineup for the OC Fair next month. So far I have tickets for The Steve Miller Band and Cyndi Lauper. In October I have tickets for Queensryche at Pechanga. That will be interesting. Still looking for some cool concerts to go to, so I hope more come up soon.

Longest Concert

2006-06-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I think if the Grateful Dead and The Allman Brothers had ever played together that would be one of the longest concerts ever! Maybe add Zepplin in there too as a trio.

Trying To Make It All Come Together

2006-06-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

Still working on house projects and replacing faulty, old things. Bought a new range Sunday to be delivered this coming Sunday. It's a nice gas model with sealed burners and drip pans to keep the food out. Very cool. The one I have now has open burners and the door to the oven doesn't close all the way. Not all the burners work either, so it has to go. Ordered a new dining room table a week ago, so I hope that is coming soon. It sucks not having a table to eat meals at. I want to get away from eating on the coach in front of the TV. Not a good habit.

Everyone at work told me to call my home warranty company and have them come out to fix the leak in the master bathroom. I told them all that I have never had luck with insurance companies and they failed me again this time too. Tom met the guy today while I was at work, and the man told him that he couldn't fix the leak because the tub has to come out first. What crap! So now another plumber is coming out tomorrow night to take a look at things. This guy worked on our old house, and actually lives in my mobile home park. Trippy. I hope he can fix something, but I'm scared of what the estimate will be. The tub does have to come out for the floor to be replaced as well as have the leak fixed. This is a whole new area for me and a big cost I am sure. Not looking forward to what he quotes. Ugh.

So over all trying to bring things all together and make this place habitable.

A New Deja Vu

2006-06-10T23:46:00.001-07:00

I haven't had one in a long time, but finally did tonight. I often feel like if I don't have one that means I'm not on the right path in life. It's kinda like having a vision in a dream of the future, but of course at the time of the dream you don't know what it means and it seems like something bizarre and out of place compared to where you are now. Only later when the deja vu happens, do you understand what's going on and it all makes sense. Weird I know, but I do have these pretty regularly. I was just glad to have it happen now since my life has changed so much. I know that is was meant to happen, or just going to happen. It makes me feel all right with the universe and gives me positive reassurance that everything is going to be alright.

A New Deja Vu

2006-06-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

Movie Review

2006-06-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

Went to see Disney's CARS last night at the Metro Pointe. I was going to take Elsa this weekend, but a friend from work wanted to go see it on opening day. I can't say it's gonna be a classic, but the animation was good. It seemed more for adults to me then kids. Or maybe a little bit older kids then Elsa's age. She definately would have gotten bored with it. I liked the background scenes they did of the desert that look a lot like places in Arizona. Pixar always makes animated films with so much detail that I know I probably missed a lot of things the first time around. I will totally get it on DVD when it comes out, but I don't think I will take Elsa to the theatre for this one. A good movie for NASCAR fans or fans of Larry The Cable Guy. Git-r-done!

Wine Talk

2006-06-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

I finally opened a bottle to try this evening and talk about. It was a cool, breezy evening and I selected a Chardonnay that my parents brought back from Oregon last Summer. Now, I know Oregon is not known for Chardonnays, so I didn't expect anything grand. I have been trying to find a good Chardonnay for some time now, but it appears I will have to keep searching. The one I had tonight was from Silvan Ridge Winery in Eugene, OR vintage 2002. It was pretty acidic, with good legs and a floral aroma. A little too perfumey for me, but I drank it none the less. Still looking for one that is more fruity or "buttery" as I have heard they can be. If anyone comes across one of these please let me know!

I think my most favorite white wine right now is still a Chenin Blanc by Callaway Coastal in Temecula. I stock up on it at Bevmo regularly. Very cheap. Very tasty, and easy to drink. Vintage 2002 has a musty scent, with a hint of honeydew melon. A great Summer time wine. At $6 you can't go wrong. If you're not in CA you might have to order online.

Cable Issues & Some Other Stuff

2006-06-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

Time Warner can't seem to keep me up and running well after this change over to the new house. It was running fine until yesterday, and then totally disconnected. I called today and they said sorry they disconnected me. They couldn't really give me a good reason for shutting it off, but I suspect it has to do with my account. I haven't received the final bill from the Sheridan address, so maybe they thought I wasn't going to pay or something. I don't know. I paid for last month, and I won't get a new bill until mid month. What a pain. I've had their service of TV and Internet solid for 6 years, and this is the first time they have really started to suck. Hopefully it is a minor pitfall for them and my service will be better then ever from now. Yeah right.

Having lots of fun in the mobile. I say that sarcastically. Now the real true side of things is coming out. My biggest problem is a flooring issue. I tried out my tub in the master bath last week only to find out that after it drained out my floor seemed to be oozing water where the linoleum and side of the tub meet. The water is under the floor! Now it is really bad and for about 3 feet it's like walking on jello. Not good. I don't know what to do. Who to call? The seller is long gone, and didn't even pay his last utilities with the park. I may have to pay those too by the way. Blah. The seller's agent moved out of the state. I don't know if it will help to call Tom. Maybe he knows a flooring guy or plumber. Which do I need, or do I need both?

Next is a slight cockroach issue. I noticed a couple outside which is fine, but then one got inside and now I see little baby ones in the bathrooms. Yucko! Gotta get some Combat motels or something. In all the places I've lived I have never had to deal with roaches. I see the seller left a can of Raid roach spray in the shed, so he must have had a problem with them too.

Weeds. I gotta get outside this weekend and pull all the little weeds from the bark chips on the side of the carport. I remember Michelle told me the park is anal on that stuff, so I'm already in a panic over it. The front of the house needs weeding, and it's not going to be easy to get the weedwacker in there. More pulling by hand. I think it will be good for awhile though once I'm done. I could dig all the grass out and put rock. Gotta check on that. A lot of people have the rock which is way easy to maintain.

Other then that I'm hanging in there. The weather cooled off a lot and June gloom set in. Last weekend was in the upper 80s. Now it's only in the 70s. I planted 2 cherry tomatoes in the back and hope they will do well. I mixed in the good potting soil with the existing dirt. I love tomatoes. Homegrown are the best. Did some Summer clothes shopping last night. I discovered new underwear that I like. I'm switching from hi-cut to hipsters. I had to get them because I started wearing all these low-rise pants that do not work with my old underwear. Very tragic in the back. Much better now, and so cute. Wow. It's like a whole new world. Are ya feeling me on this!?

Now that I have cable again I realize how many reality shows there are and it's insane. I don't know about all these crazy shows, but I did like watching Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. She's a riot. I was flipping through the channels the other night and caught one of her very funny stand-up routine on Bravo. I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose and sprayed everywhere. After that was her reality show, and that was cool too. I never realized how much I like her stories especially when she is making fun of Celine Dion. I want see if I can get her comedy routine called Kathy Griffin: Strong Black Woman on DVD. She takes her pants off on stage at one point and it's totally funny.

Man I could go on all night, but I think I'll stop here for now.

Silly Stuff

2006-06-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet and current street name): Peachy West

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy): Betsy Rolo

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name): E LYN

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (father's mother's name, street where you grew up): Ida Flynn

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (best friend's name, city where you were born): Jessica Anaheim

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name): Wal Uce

7. JEDI NAME (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards):
nnyl ecul

8. SUPERHERO NAME ("The," your favorite color, favorite drink): The Blue Lager

I Think Summer Is Already Here

2006-06-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

Check out my new yard. I'm loving it. Elsa is too. I can't wait to sit outside and have a glass of wine. I have 12 bottles now in the wine fridge! Holy crap. Gotta get to drinking.

Hey Ya

2006-06-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back! Got the cable hooked up today, and everything running groovy. Elsa's happy to have TV again, and I was so missing the Internet. All moved into the new place, and man is it hot today. It's close to 90. I trekked down to Home Depot for some box fans for the windows in here. I feel bad for the cat, she looks miserable. I do miss my AC, but if you go outside in the backyard it's a bit cooler.

Bought a weedwacker and cut my lawn today. Did it at the hottest part of the day too, but then cooled off in the sprinkler afterward. What a sense of accomplishment I feel cutting my own grass, and watering like I never did before. I guess because it is more manageable here that is why I'm so into it. Elsa actually hung out in the yard for awhile today. She seems to have made an easy transition and has not asked about the old house at all. The cat on the other hand is a different story. She has been waking me up every night this last week at 3am crying for no reason. I tried to let here outside, but she just bangs on the door to come back in. She does go out in the evenings after I get home, but then at bedtime she is back in. It's a big adjustment for her not spending as much time outside as before, and not having a garage to hang in. Elsa's torturing her more now too which I know she hates, but she hasn't scratched her bad at all.

I could go get those in the window AC boxes like I see others doing here, but I don't know if I want to mess with it. I think though if it gets any hotter we will have a hard time sleeping at night, so I should invest in at least one. Home Depot has a lot right now, so maybe I will go back and get one tomorrow.

Gotta pay some bills Monday. It seems like everything is due early this month. I paid for June rent already when I signed the lease agreement, but they combine the utilies on top of that and I got the prior owners bill this week for some of that. I don't know what portion to pay, so I have to call Liz on Monday to figure that all out. It will be nice to have one bill to pay to Del Prado for rent, water, electric and gas. Pretty nice.

Man there is so much to talk about, but I still have some shopping to do. Maybe I will post more later tonight.

See You In The New Place

2006-05-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight's the last night in this house. Tom is bringing me my new house key around 8pm. I was freaking out last night because Time Warner accidentally turned off my cable and internet prematurely! I was dying. I can't make it without those two mediums. It will be hard going a whole week without it. I won't have the new service up and running until next weekend, so I won't be posting for a few days. :(

I am so excited I can hardly sit still. My day is coming and I can't wait to do this. Mom should be here in a little bit to help me finish up loose ends. LALALALALALLALALALALALALALALA

SO HAPPY!

I Won't Leave The Light On For You

2006-05-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the last time for Randy to come into the house. Friday Mom will be here and I will be too busy, so he can't hang. He never does Fridays anyway. I gave him 2 pre-made checks to our joint credit cards to pay those off and close. I did all the utilities today. I only have a couple other things to change over later down the road. My attorney is way stupid, and I don't even want to get into it here, but I sent a check and hopefully the divorce will be done soon. I get to move this Saturday and Friday night will be all the taping of boxes and bagging up my clothes. Should be fun.

I had nothing to say tonight and neither did Randy. It was so right. I think he finally saw that there was no point in talking. Just take the money and go. I have waited so long to get to this point. It is a happy moment for me.

I Think I Am Going To Puke

2006-05-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

I just wrote a check to go to my attorney tonight for $2,500. I have already paid her $3,500. Does anyone here think I am being ripped off? What should I do? This is like my 2nd attorney now. I'm calling her tomorrow to find out how much longer before being done. Her answer better be within a couple weeks. I'm over it people!

P.S. I signed the rental agreement tonight. I hope to me moving this Saturday. The truck is coming at 7:30am. I got 3 professional guys to help me move. Sweet!

Total Chaos

2006-05-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

Everything's crazy right now. I was on the phone all day dealing with the mobile home stuff. Got my money today which is good, but wasn't able to go to the mobile home park to sign the rental agreement because the chic there wasn't ready. She wants me to come over tomorrow at 5pm, which I won't make it by then but have to try. My mom is suppose to go there to make sure she doesn't leave before I arrive. I am still hopeful escrow on the mobile will close by Friday, but if it doesn't I told Tom to offer the sellers some money for me to be able to get the key on Saturday and let me move in then. Everything is set for Saturday, and I just don't want to change that at all. With a 3 day weekend ahead I can't think of a better time to move. Plus, the people that bought my house are freaking out that I'm still here. There's stress on all sides!

Mommy The Moving Tyrant

2006-05-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

Mommy is trying to run a tight ship this week in preparation for the big move. Cleaned out old food from the fridge today and the cupboards. Packed all of Elsa's toys (she ain't happy about it), and only left some paper and markers out for her to color. We still have TV, so that is her best entertainment right now. Packed most of her clothes. Bought a few groceries to get throught the week, but we will eat out a lot too. Left several messages for the chic at the mobile home park. I just missed her by 15 minutes on Friday when I tried calling to let her know I need to come by on Monday to sign the lease agreement and give her the deposit. I need her to call me on Monday early to go over this and she better be there! If I don't sign Monday then I'm screwed for moving by next weekend. There is a 3 day waiting period after I sign before the sale can close on the mobile home, so I am stressing out big time on trying to coordinate all this. I talked to my agent today and he said the mobile people are all packed and should be out by Friday. This is good news. I know the buyers on my house will want to move in here, but will have to wait. The frickin agent for my buyer came by at 9:30pm tonight banging on my door like a freak. She was asking me if it recorded Friday and I said I din't know (even though I knew it did), and told her to call Tom. What a whore. How rude for her to come by tonight like that with no call first. Bitch! Some of these agents are so retarded. They have no clue what the hell is going on, but are always trying to get caught up after everyone else is way past them.

Anyway.........I just packed all day and the last place to finish is my clothes closet. I am out of boxes now, so I am using big trash bags for everything else. I hope to be totaly done by tomorrow. Elsa has been a brat today for sure. She is giving me serious attitude as if she was a teenager already. Geesh. I don't need that right now. Sheila wants to come over tomorrow with Audrey, but what's the point? I have no table to sit at, no toys to play with and I certainly do not want the girls all making a huge mess in here! Probably suggest going to a park or something. Much more sensible at this time.

I am trying to remain calm with this whole moving thing, but I feel very stressed and I'm rather short with people lately. I need to chill, but that's hard to do. Hard to sleep with so much on my mind. I have to cancel my homeowners policy and get a new one on the mobile. Change over all the utilities this week, re-schedule the movers for Saturday and hope Liz at the mobile park will be in on Monday for the lease agreement to get done. Can ya tell that's bugging me. She works like bankers hours too, and is a total bitch. I just need to stress to her the situation plus the fact that I have a check for her for $3,200. I am ready here people!

One More Time

2006-05-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

House - me = not mine.

Did I Mention My House Is Sold

2006-05-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

NOT MY HOUSE PARTY!

2006-05-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

It's sold! It's done! I don't own my house as of 4pm today. Fucking party time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Work Sucks

2006-05-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

Ya know, it really sucks coming back to my job after any time off. Everyone dumped on me the minute I got in the door! My boss was a bitch to me, and I can't believe how everyone panics and turns molehills into mountains. Maria did her best, and she really gave her all. It was a busy week, and oh, I'm sorry.....PEOPLE HAD TO FRICKIN DO SOME WORK! Lazy mother f*&&^%%#s! I should not have had to come back and endure this shit. What an awful day it was yesterday, but today was much better and everyone settled back down. Sometimes I just want to drop napalm on the office and watch it burn. OOOHHHH THE FLAMES!!!!!!!

Vacation Day 8 & 9

2006-05-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

My last 2 days of vacation were spent in Anza. It was nice to get away for the weekend, and I didn't even think about the house or work at all. Drove me, mom and Elsa up Saturday. Man there was a lot of traffic, but once we passed Lake Elsinore it got much better. Had a good meal in Temecula first, then drove the rest of the way. Elsa is so good in the car now on trips. It was around 80 degress when we got there, but as the sun went down it was just perfect. I put up my 2 person tent for Elsa and I, and we had dinner in the trailer. Watched some stars, and then a huge full moon came up at around 9pm. The coyotes were howling, so Elsa got to hear that. Then at 10pm we went to bed. She was not scared at all to sleep in the desert. It was so cool.

I forgot how relaxing it is out there and just quiet. No city noises. Just raw nature. It's fantastic. I consider it going on the mountain to get focused. I'm on the Res. I always hope to have a vision while I am there. I think this time I saw how quickly Elsa is growing, and that I have to enjoy these times with her before she turns into a teenager and doesn't want to be with me anymore. Weird, but that's what I saw. I also thought of what will I do with this place if my parents die? Will I be able to keep it up? It's nice piece of property, and a great getaway spot. I hope I can keep it going even after they are passed. My dad was measuring the gate at the entryway to see if I could fit my mobile in there if I ever have to move it. Man that would be a crazy task. I don't think it is to practical, but I guess it is an option. It would be hella expensive I'm sure.

Ok, random thoughts on the Anza trip:

The hat I was wearing reminded me of those guys in Brokeback Mountain, forgot my cell phone (is that really a bad thing?), nice steak and garlic mashed potatoes at TGI Fridays, porta potty (fun), full moon looked so big out there, heard coyotes, saw lizards, red fuzzy bug, black stink beetles, road runner, woodpeckers, jack rabbits and no TV for a weekend was great!

Vacation Day 7

2006-05-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Busy day. Started out at a church and ended watching a Judas Priest concert on VH1 Classic. Got up with Elsa and took her over to St. Olaf to drop off paperwork and show Elsa around. She seemed to take to one of the teachers right away and even went looking around the grounds with her without me for like 15 minutes. Good sign I hope. Then we drove all the way over to Los Alamitos to the Boot Barn to get her some boots for the Anza trip tomorrow. That place is pretty cool. If I was more of a shit kicker I think I'd be in heaven. Beautiful selection of boots in there. All different styles and colors. Elsa picked out some bright red leather ones. Got a matching red cowgirl hat and a pink and red shirt to complete the outfit. I will take her picture and get it up on here soon. She's gonna be way cute.

Next we went to a crusty McDonalds over that way, but didn't stay long. It had super filthy tables and chairs. Where's the Clorox wipes when you need them. Went to Targhetto for pads and CLOROX WIPES, then back home for the day. The sun barley came out today, so we didn't do an outdoor playday. This whole week has gone by way too fast.

Ordered pizza for dinner, watched Ice Age again, and then at 9pm on VH1 Classic there was a cool Judas Priest concert they were showing. Elsa started going crazy when the music started and jumping all over the couch. It was hilarious! She is a closet headbanger. It was a concert they did in Japan and is out on DVD called Judas Priest: Rising In The East. Those Asians can rock! They were going nuts, and one guy was like bawling his head off. My fav songs were toward the end. Painkiller was really good. Of course he did Hell Bent for Leather (came out on a Harley), Living After Midnight and You've Got Another Thing Coming. Just put Elsa to bed. She was wipped.

Vacation Day 6

2006-05-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Not too much going on today. Took Elsa to school, but it was hard getting out of bed early. I just want to sleep in every day. Went to Savon to order my pills and then came home to figure out what to do tomorrow. Finally decided to stay home with Elsa and do an outdoor day. It should be about 72 degrees and I can pull out the kiddie pool. We can do some sidewalk chalk and easel painting too. Just a fun day at home I guess is what I have planned. We do have to visit the new daycare tomorrow as well to drop off paperwork and have Elsa take a look around. Other than that it's a free day.

I got a few groceries to set us good for the weekend. Did some laundry and watched a cute Shirley Temple movie on TCM, The Littlest Rebel. She was so adorable it's sickening. She was so cute she brought the 2 sides together. Now ain't that something! Got my mom's present all wrapped, and sent off a package to Jessica. You should get that Tuesday Jes. Had a mousepad and mug made up for mom with Elsa's pictures on them. The mousepad turned out really well. I think my dad might steal it for his work because it is a nice picture of Elsa in Anza sitting on a rock. We are all going out to Anza this Saturday. Should be nice out there and fairly warm. I want to take some good digital pictures so I have some shots for making a Father's Day gift for my dad next month.

I do feel a sore throat coming on today. I hope it goes away soon. It would really suck to get a cold at the end of my vacation, and worse get it right when I go back to work Monday. I'm trying not to think about work, but I know it had to have been busy. Sometimes I just really hate working. I am already thinking of my next days off. I have a 3 day weekend in August that I want to go with my mom out to Sedona again. She has not been in awhile and only got to see it passing through. It would be relaxing to go there and hang out for a long weekend. I just need to get Randy to agree to take Elsa for that time which should be interesting. She has never spent the night over at his mother's house. The fleas chew her up bad, so it may be a disaster. I just want to have a little time away, but not alone this time.

Started playing this Sudoku puzzle game today. Heard about it some time back , but actually printed one out off the net today and tried it. I can't quite get it all solved yet. Anyone here good with those?

Vacation Day 5

2006-05-11T11:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I got up yesterday and took Elsa to school and then momma went back to Knott's to ride all those crazy coasters! I'm serious. I had a blast. Got there just after they opened and first went on the Silver Bullet. Yes I know I look like a dork, but I had a great time. Next I went on the Boomerang, then the Log Ride again. I was waiting for them to open up the Xcelerator. That was the big one I just had to try. It goes 82 miles an hour ride at the start. Very cool. I went on the Supreme Scream, and it was ok. I think I like Freefall better. Had some lunch. The sun finally came out and it got warm enough to go on the water rides. Went on Bigfoot Rapids, then this weird swing ride that launches you way high up to where you are horizontal to the ground.

Around 1pm they finally opened Xcelerator. I dashed over and got on in like 3 turns. IT WAS AWESOME! The best ride I have been on in a long time. It just feels amazing, and really gets the adrenaline going
.

Went on Boomerang one more time, and then hit a new water ride called the Perilous Plunge. Had to make that the last one because you totally get soaked. Bought this bitchen T-shirt that has the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo on it and says "If the vans a rockin, don't come a knockin". Had some funnel cake and then headed home. I was beat by 4pm. I think I got too much sun. Rented a weird artsy film called The Squid and The Whale. I'll watch anything with a divorce theme in it, but this one just made it look really horrible and confusing (which it is), but I'm not sure what the point of the film was.

Bought some El Pollo Loco and went over to my parents house for a bit because it was Randy's night to get Elsa. Tom called and kinda ruined the day with the fact that the house is slowly slipping out of escrow. Not totally lost yet with this buyer, but her loan fell through, and now she has to get a whole new one with 100% financing. What a mess. Plus he is leaving for a week to Mexico right at this critical time and will not be able to be reached. Now if I want any news I have to call Sheila at work. Blah. I don't want to know what's going on unless it's good news, so maybe I will not call for the rest of my time off.

Vacation Day 4

2006-05-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

What a lazy wasted day! I'm starting to think I should have waited another week to have my vacation time off. I just don't know. I had nothing really planned for this week which is really sad. I don't have much left to pack, and I can't until it's absolutely time to go. Yesterday was fun, but today was just pathetic. I was totally depressed all day. Kept laying down in my room while Elsa watched tv. I didn't go anywhere, and wasn't even dressed until 1pm. What's wrong with this picture?

I can't believe I'm not going somewhere fun. I have tried to always take a vacation somewhere each year, and now that is ruined. I'm totally bummed out. I plan on taking Elsa to school tomorrow because I need to pay them, plus she needs some kid interaction. I have absolutely nothing planned for the rest of this week. I have to change that and fast! I hate being at home for any length of time. I am so not a home body at all.

Vacation Day 3

2006-05-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

Howdy partners. Took Elsa to Knott's Berry Farm today. First we stopped at my bank for money because I still have no ATM card. Decided to get a cashiers check for paying Childtime and made it for 3 weeks of payments. That should give me enough time to get new checks. Ordered them today and I am having them delivered to the branch so they won't get lost. May still be 2 weeks, but I think I can make it.

Got to Knott's at a quarter to 10 and they opened at 10, so that worked out. We had the whole park to ourselves. It was a trip. Walked on any ride without waiting. Elsa made me go on the Mexican Hat Dance ride 3 times in a row! I was totally feeling queezy after that. That girl is whack. Pretty much hung out in Camp Snoopy. Man there are a lot of new roller coasters in the park. All you see when you come in is this huge tangle of tracks all over the place. It's like where ever they could fit one they did, but it makes things kind of ugly that way. I love the coasters though. It was killing me not to be able to go on them. Especially Xcelerator and Silver Bullet (hehe). They looked awesome. I have to go back to try those sometime. Ok, so we rode the ferris wheel, Lucy's Tugboat, the Mexican Hats, the bumper cars, the little steam train in Camp Snoopy (big one was under repair), the mini scrambler, the stagecoach, the Snoopy schoolbus thingy and my one big kid ride the Log Ride. Elsa liked it up until it got dark in there, and of course that last drop made her crap herself I'm sure. I got the picture to prove it. I enjoyed going on it. It had been like 10 years.

We ate a lot of crap too. Chips, soft pretzel, soda, hot dog, chicken strips, slurpees, ice cream and funnel cake. I probably ate most of that. Puke city. I feel really gnarly right now, but I will try to make a wholesome dinner for us at least tonight. On the way out I stoped at the Geode shop to get one and have the guy cut it open. I always love anything rock related. I was drooling at the Lapidary slab saw. I totally was going to buy one way back and slab rocks as a hobby. I am a rock hound! Elsa thought it was pretty cool, and the guy cracked 3 open before giving us the best one. How nice of him. It sure is purdy.

By 5pm I was spent, so we headed home. It was a fun day, and we sure got a lot more for our money then when we went to Disneyland. More rides, more friendly employee interactions, and best of all NO WAITING IN LINE!

Planning For Obsolescence

2006-05-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

Am I really is the crucial question? Have I at all? Can I start all over in another field? Will that work after so many years? This is the question we all face at one time or another. I mean, is any one industry so secure that you never have to ask this question? The answer is to stay diversified as much as possible. Not always easy to do. I use to think I was "diversified", but now realize how far from that I really am. I should have a lot more knowledge then I do in my field. I should continue to learn new things in other fields as well, but people get complacent. Maybe just lazy.

I bring this up now because of course it's that time of year when my company does annual reviews and I have to reflect on what I have learned or done throughout another year. Sometimes it feels like I just maintain. I feel like I have not really learned anything new in the last year, and although I say I'm going to get more education I choose not to. I have used divorce and life changes as excuses to trying new things. Can I break through my inner resistance to change in the coming years? Do I have any choice?

I know originally I went to college to be in marketing. Of course every business uses marketing and I have not completely been without it. I do forget some of the basic principles from time to time, but out in the real world you learn quickly about what works and what doesn't. I had a hard time selling myself when I first went looking for work in that arena. If I did get a position open to me, it was often a battle to fight for recognition. Easy to get lost in the crowd, and very hard to make a name for yourself. I still have to fight for recognition, but I must contribute something of value in order to do this.

Each job that I have had has taught me something valuable about making a living. I think the most valuable lesson is knowing someone with an in to help you along, which is why I'm where I'm at now. I don't think I am a failure out on my own, but there is a great comfort in working for people you know and trust. Maybe this will be a downfall later in my life, but for now it is security. Even still, I have to prepare myself always for sudden changes. I need to keep my mind sharp, and gain knowledge continuously. I don't want to be a Jack of All Trades, but I would be a fool to not explore and better understand other related fields to the one I'm in now.

I say all this, but the reality of me actually doing this is not so easy. The real estate profession is highly competitive. Some share knowledge and others hoard. I try to uniquely position myself at work by being the only notary in the office, having several years of experience in refi, and being extremely dependable maybe to a fault. I can say that my job has been a sore spot between my ex and me while we were together. I always tended to put the work first ahead of him and even ahead of Elsa for a few months before I just mentally broke down and lost it. Luckily we were in a financial position at the time for me to leave the escrow world to be a stay at home mom for awhile. My career was and still is very important to me. I say it defines me, but now realize it shouldn't. This is a difficult balance. It is one that Randy still struggles with daily.

Anyway, I hope that once I get my new life more settled and on track that I can make a major effort to branch out in my knowledge of the real estate field. I need to learn things that will make me an asset to any company, not just my current one. I have to take a good hard look at who I am, and who I want to be. I would even recommend for anyone to do this at regular intervals in their life. I tend to do it when I'm on vacation. It's a time for me to clear my head and really get in touch with myself. This should be interesting to say the least. Maybe I will have some new goals by the end of the week.

P.S. I was watching Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room tonight, so maybe that's why I decided to type this poignant piece.

Vacation Day 2

2006-05-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, no headache or stomach pain today. Yay. Got up at 9am, made corn muffins, packed some more kitchen stuff and sat around until 11am. Mom called and asked if I would go with her to look for an outfit to wear to her friend's daughter's wedding. Dad said he would watch Elsa, so that was a nice break. Went to Kohl's first and she didn't find anything, but I found some cute jean capris and a cool skirt and tank top. Now where will I wear these things to? Went to Cocos for lunch then the Westminster Mall. That place is way sucking. They keep changing the stores around, and getting rid of the ones I like. Mom found a top and skirt at JCPennys. Then I was burnt out and we left.

Elsa planted pumpkins and cucumbers with Grandpa. They had a pretty good time together. It will be cool to watch them grow and then pick a pumpkin for Halloween. My dad is obsessed with the rattle snake he killed last weekend and now wants to skin it and dry the hyde. I looked up how to do it online for him. It's quite a process actually, but he has got to get it out of my mom's refrigerator! Gross.

I will probably rent a movie tonight. Elsa and I are going to Knott's Berry Farm tomorrow. Hope it will be fast getting on the rides. I have not been there in 10 years. This will be Elsa's first trip. Should be a fun day.

ABC Easy As 1,2,3

2006-05-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

A is for age: turdy one

B is for beer of choice: Michelob Lager

C is for career: Escrow Whore for life!

D is for your dog's name: Hoping to get one after we move

E is for essential item you use everyday: puter

F is for favorite song at the moment: Living Dead Girl, Rob Zombie

G is for favorite sport: baseball

H is for Home town: GGC

I is for instruments you play: :(

J is for favorite juice: OJ

K is for whose ass you'd like to kick: all the Waldreps (except Elsa)

L is for last hug: My daughter

M is for marriage: unholy hell

N is for name of your last ex: Dumbass

O is for overnight hospital stays: having Elsa

P is for phobias: bridges over water

Q is for quotation: Sir-Smoke-Alot: Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!

R is for Biggest Regret: Not having a nice wedding (although now that would be a joke)

S is for status: on vacation

T is for time you woke up: 6:40am when Elsa came in, but didn't actually rise until 9:30am

U is for underwear: white Hanes Her Way hi-cut

V is for vegetable you love: corn

W is for worst habit: eating junk food daily

X is for x-rays you've had: dentist only

Y is for yummy food you make: tacos

Z is for zodiac sign: Crappercorn

Vacation Day 1

2006-05-06T16:54:00.001-07:00

Well started the day with a massive headache that required Excedrin right away. Started to fell better and began to clean up the house a bit. Made Playdoh cookies with Elsa and did some Barbie stuff. Got really hungry at 1pm and went to Carl's Playland. Our usual one was too crowded, so we went to a new one. Elsa wouldn't play on the playground though. Whenever there are big kids she will not go near them. Started having an upset stomach and left for home. Total diarrhea for an hour and burning tummy. Headed to Savon for some antacid, which I just took. I'm a mess today.

Elsa and my mom both have colds that started yesterday. Elsa seems to get a fever at night, but just dripping nose during the day. She still has a lot of energy. We are both just taking it easy today.

Got a call from Randy's step mom by mistake looking for him. Like duh, why would he be here. She had been trying to call him for 2 days to tell him his dad had a heatattack. It wasn't a major one, but his last one he had to have triple bypass. It was weird talking to her after a year and a half. I didn't even recognize her voice at first. She said she was having a hard time dealing with it by herself. I wanted to say, well, that's how you retard Waldreps are. They always isolate themselves, so when there is a crisis oops nobody around and nobody gives a crap!

That's about it for now.

Song In My Head

2006-05-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Ms. New Booty (by Bubba Sparxxx)

Intro: Collipark, Bubba Sparxxx][Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]

Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]

Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [4x]

[1st verse (Bubba Sparxxx)]Girl I don't need you, but chu need me
Take it off, let if flop, shake it freely
And I don't tell stories, I let em tell theyself
And you aint gotta sell sex, girl, it sells itself, Like nothing else
Yeah I'm a country boy, but that big city bottom fill me up with joy
Aint life grand (life's grand) livin up daddy
Here go da whisper song, baby this is us ready?
Put it on me enthusiastically, what ever it is that chu do, you do it admirably
And I aint choose it, that thang chose me
Its bubba and ying yang, all the way in this thangYO!

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]I found you MS NEW BOOTYGet it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [4x]

[2nd Verse]Quarter to twelve and we just getting inBubba gonna make ya spark wit da Ying Yang Twins
Sippin on patron, blong blong blong
Shawdy in a thong, whom whom whom
Ass get da jiggling, MOTHER FUCKING WIGGLYING
Get that thang shakin, like she frost bit shivering
Ass be delivering, all type of flashes, cashes
Got these hoes shaking that molasses
SHHHHHHLet me whisper in your ear
Get your self together go and buy some new gear
Something with your hair den
Hit da club, shake ya ass and da brothuhz gonna sho some love
Do that move ya did just a minute ago
I guarantee you'll make all da dough
So gon do ya thing baby, work what chu got, to get what chu want
Make that money, don't let it make u

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [4x]

[3rd Verse (Bubba Sparxxx)]hi there, how are things?
I once was breast man now it seems
Ever since I had the pleasureof getting you together, your chest is just whateverI found the buried treasured
Yes ma'am, heres the plan
Meet me over yonder ok- don't play
Ill bring the whip whoop, you bring your cook book
And ima fix that stuff up, everything is good good

[Chorus (Ying Yang Twins)]Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere [3x]
Rockin' everywhere [2x]

[Bubba Sparxxx]I found you MS NEW BOOTY
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playas club for about month or 2
Put his hand on it then see what he do [2x]

Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight [4x]

Maybe One More Week And Randy Can Kiss My Ass

2006-05-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

I just want to get the fuck away from him. I'm tired of this crappy routine of him coming over Wed and Fri nights around 9pm to drop off Elsa and veg in my house. He tries to talk to me about shit I don't care about, and helps himself to my fridge. Fuck that shit! He is such a bum. He won't be working this summer and plans on only working part time for the rest of his life! He bitches about living with his mother, but says no way is he gonna pay $1000 a month for rent somewhere. What's wrong with this tard? He has no plans on taking Elsa for any future weekends as stated in the divorce and has no where for her to sleep over there at his mother's house. It's like he just wants the option, but pretty much will never take it so no time off for me. Asshole.

So.....I'm looking forward to the end of this house. No more here. No more joint. No more period!

In The Biz And Still Stressing

2006-05-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

Being in escrow has its ups and downs when it comes to me buying and selling property. Yes, I get an inside track to know what's going on, but at the same time do I really want to know? Trying to get the loan documents for my buyer, but it's a slow process. I hope as early as tomorrow to have them, make Sheila prep them and get them to the woman to sign by Thursday. My buyer didn't show up to the walk-thru today, so I hope that was because they forgot. I frickin mopped people! Anyway it all stresses me out, but I decided not to move my vacation even though it is not looking real good on closing by the 14th. I'm not giving up the fight, but I am realistic on these things. I am just waiting around and I hate it!

Ok, deep breath.

Work was ok today. I had a headache for most of the day, and I'm really tired. I will probably go to bed early tonight. I've been downloading ringtones to set to identify different callers. I have B52s "Private Idaho" for Jessica, the theme song from Fist Full of Dollars for my dad who likes Clint Eastwood movies, the Bravehart theme song for Sheila (but I may change this to something Disney), and the HR Puff 'n Stuff song from that 70s TV show for my toking ex. Everyone else is Lil Kim. hehe

Ok that's it for now.

Bomb Diggity Dinner

2006-04-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

Went all out and had a pretty healthy dinner tonight. Started with some marinated mushrooms that I did myself. Bought the mushrooms in a jar and poured in Bernstein's Cheese Fantastico dressing in there to coat them. So good. Had a dish of cottage cheese. Then a small salad with balsamic vinigertte, tomatoes and celery. Last made a nice pasta dish of ground beef, tomoato soup, elbow macaroni and kidney beans. Yes kidney beans. I actually like those. Had a glass of OJ to wash it all down. A nice red wine would have been better, but it's Sunday night and it's not like I'm sharing with anyone.

So I didn't do much today. Went grocery shopping and packed some of Elsa's toys. That is not easy because she keeps taking stuff back out of the boxes all day to play with. Visited mom a little because dad is in Anza. He called to tell me he killed a rattle snake on the property and is bringing it back to show Elsa. Gross. He collects the rattles each time he kills one. This is like his 4th.

I still haven't got my original LOST dvd from Amazon. They finally sent out another via UPS. It was to be 2 day delivery, but I guess they don't count Saturday. Should be here tomorrow I hope. Not that I need it now, but it's just the principle of the matter. I hate waiting for stuff. That's all I do lately. I am still waiting for the bank to send my new ATM card also. It's been 2 weeks and nothing. I got a statement, but I really need the card since I just put my first paycheck in the new account on Friday. I only have 6 temp checks for bills. Life is harsh without the debit card. I still have the joint one, but I don't want to rely on it. My mail is forwarding to my parents, but really slowly. I guess the post office holds it until it builds up and sends it only every few days. Lame!

Had the gardeners cut the grass for the last time yesterday. Everything is super clean cut in the front and back yards. My buyers should do their walk thru this week while it looks so good. My back is starting to hurt from moving things around. I gotta go easy until moving day. Looks like the weather is starting to warm up a bit. I'm done with the rain. Need lots of sunshine, especially for when I'm on vacation next week. Five more days!

My New Home Pictures

2006-04-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I did the walk thru today and took 72 pictures. Only putting a few here for now. I really hope this all comes together by the end of this coming week.

A Distraction

2006-04-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

I tell ya people I am lost in LOST. Up to episode 12 now. I loved the beginning, and now find it very confusing and filling with unanswered questions faster and faster with each episode. Some of the ways people react to life threatening stuff though does seem a bit unrealistic, but overall I am still heavily addicted. I seem to only have time to watch on the weekends, so I have been doing like 3 episodes at a time. Started Friday, watched tonight and hope to watch tomorrow night. This is what is keeping me going. Keeping me sane. I have used this as a distraction and a way to cope many times before. I remember after I had Elsa that I got depressed mainly when I chose to stay home with her. Randy could not help me, and the MOM's Clubs were not working either for very good support. I went and bought the Father Ted British comedy (all 3 seasons), and laughed my way back to reality. I'm serious. It can work. After Randy first told me he wanted to leave, I was mass heavy into Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2. That helped greatly in that time of pain. Made me feel stronger, empowered and Uma Thurman kicked ass! So now it is LOST. I hope that season 2 comes out not too long after it is over in May. I will need to keep my fix up for sure!

Speaking Of Who Am I

2006-04-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

I went to journal now for the 1st time in 4 months. I feel better. At the same time I looked back at a journal entry from this week a year ago. I guess I felt similar to how I feel right now. Strange. Check it out:

Hey, I'm buzzed and tired right now. Had an escrow meeting tonight that really blew. There are so many mysteries in life and human relationships are complicated. I don't know if I'm going to like some of the changes coming up, but at the same time I don't think things can stay the same. I still think a lot of people don't understand me. That really sucks. Only I understand me and only some of the time. I have to have special friends in my mind to take the place of the real true friends I don't have. That is sad. Ok bye.

Who Am I, Really

2006-04-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

It's hard to come on this thing and realize there is a lot I can't share about myself without mass repercussions. I use to keep a diary to tell my real deep feelings in, but I haven't been writing in it all this year. Maybe that is the problem. I need an outlet, but the Blogland ain't gonna cut it. I wish I could be more forthcoming, but I would shock the hell out of people. I guess I better start journal writing again. I might explode if I don't!

Breaking Down

2006-04-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

I totally started to lose it today. Work is stressful, home is stressful and I just can't deal anymore! Started mass bawling in the middle of work and had to take an early lunch. I felt a little better later, but right now I feel extreme anger. People just bug and are stupid. I hate stupid people. All fucking day I talk to stupid people. Hey, forget a fountain of youth, how about a fountain of smart!

It's a Miracle

2006-04-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

Life really amazes you sometimes. I was sitting here in the house today all pouting about the garage junk situation, and on the phone with my dad to come get the stuff. They always drag ass on coming over, and I knew all the stuff would not fit in my dad's truck. Then I called Randy to ask if he could at least come take a few things and the BBQ with his trailer. I told him the good chair was still here if he wanted it too. Now no sooner had I said this and hung up with him that I saw a van pull up out front of my house with 2 Mexican chicks in it. They were poking around in the junk I put out this morning for the city to pick up tomorrow. She motioned to me if it was ok to take and I said hey, I got some more stuff in the garage. Man did her eyes light up! I tell you, I am amazed how much stuff they piled into that vehicle. They took the good chair, the nice coffee table, my dining room table and chiars and a small computer desk. They also took a few boxes of left over items as well. She said she would come back later for a long folding table and maybe the night stands. It took 20 minutes top for them to come and go. Insane!

Then Randy showed up and was all pissed off that they got that good chair for free. I said what do you care if I got money for it or not. Stupid head. So because he was all bugged about that he ended up taking all the rest of the stuff including the broken loveseat. YAY! The garage is clear again. I brought out the 2 lamps and this weird little cabinet from the kitchen and stuck it out front with the rest of the junk for the city. Hopefully they will take it all tomorrow. If those chicks come back maybe they will take those. I am just so stoked and totally tripping on this miracle event. So now my parents are off the hook with helping me with that chore. They are still coming later to help me cut up the basketball pole and get the backboard off. The city said they would only take it if the pole was no longer then 4ft and the backboard has to be removed. It's all rusty, so I need a good saw to chop it all up. My dad says he has a special one to do it, so that's cool.

My neighbors are having an open house and tons of people keep coming over to look at my place. Tom never put a sold sign up for some reason, so realtors keep coming by. I had this one lady yesterday come to my sale who said she was looking for a 4 bedroom, 2 bath place to buy, but that all of them were $800,000. I said well you missed a great deal. I should have got her phone number just in case my buyers don't close. It turns out they can't draw their loan docs in the last week of the month, so I have another extra week to pack. We are now scheduled to close hopefully by the first weekend in May when my vacation starts on the 6th.

I could wait for my LOST dvd, so I broke down and went to Taarget last night to get it. I watched the first 3 episodes and I'm hooked. I wish I had gotten into this show originally. Now it's almost the end of season two! I have a lot of catching up to do. Don't give away any secrets ok people!

Big Let Down

2006-04-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

Well after moving lots of heavy furniture by myself in to the garage all week for the sale today, nobody bought any of my furniture at all. Someone did take Elsa's gym thingy and our tall filing cabinet, but not the dining room table and chairs, not the nice $300 chair, nor the expensive coffee table. I was down to $20 bucks each, but no takers. WTF? It was really sad. I got no sleep all last night, and got up to do this at 6:30am this morning. I am mass crabby now. I was glad it didn't rain, but I would not have even made the effort if I had known the turnout. People kept buying little items. Goofy shit. One guy bought my framed poster of Moulin Rouge, which I didn't think anyone would want. Another guy bought my gross, greasy deep fryer machine. Everyone sucked up the Happy Meal toys, and I'm like people you can go to McDonald's any day for that crap. Weird.

My poor mom stayed overnight to help out, and slept on my couch. I'm sure she didn't get much sleep either. Elsa was pretty good today, but I know she was wondering why I was selling all this stuff. My living room is all cleared out, but my garage is jammed packed with all the things that didn't sell. I don't know what to do now to get rid of it all. It makes me mad that I have to handle this all without Randy's help. I fucking hate him so much. I think that's evident.

His mail is already forwarding, and mine forwards Monday. I ordered a LOST first season DVD that should have come by now. I hope it doesn't go to his mom's house. I've lost my LOST video!!!! haha I am so burned out on work, packing, you name it. I haven't had a break, and now for my 1 week vacation of the year I will probably spend it moving. Crap. I feel like everything is just too much for me. I'm really sick of work lately. I just work too much period. I feel like shit right now, so I'm going to take a nap or somthing. Mom took Elsa over to her house for a couple hours. I think Elsa is bored here since I ignore her like every weekend now. I hope that once we are moved and settled that we can try to enjoy life more.

Quick Post

2006-04-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

Very busy this week. More packing and getting ready for the yard sale this Saturday. I hope it doesn't rain. Randy has taken all his stuff, so now it's up to me to get rid of any excess. I found out my good handtruck has a flat tire, and I have no way to pump it up. Hoping my dad can fill it this weekend. Mom is suppose to come over tomorrow night to stay with me and help with the sale in the morning. I still have a lot of furniture to move in to the garage too to sell.

Work will be busy because month end is coming and my assistant is off tomorrow and Monday. I have so many personl calls to make that it will be hard to get them all in during the day, but I really need to. I need to call the city for another large trash pick up, call Tom to see he wants to take one of my good chairs, and call a moving company because I think I'm back to hiring movers. I could be moving as soon as next weekend! Stuff on the mobile is coming along. I should be approved by the park by next week. My buyers are ordering docs, so they should sign next week too. I'm stressing big time, and I'm trying to get my parents to commit on helping me for the next 3 weekends. No flaking!

I have had so little sleep lately. I never go to bed at a decent hour, and I toss and turn a lot. I will be glad when the move is all over. I can't wait for my vacation! It's 2 weeks away!

Unfulfilling Weekend

2006-04-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

Not the greatest weekend. Saturday I just packed up stuff in the kitchen. I did open a new account at WAMU, but didn't feel real excited about it. Kept packing and putting things in the garage for the sale next weekend. I think that is what I am more looking forward to. I have so much to get rid of, and it's weighing me down. Elsa just watched TV all day. I have not been spending any time with her lately. Today I hid some eggs here, and then we went to Sheila's around 10am. She had told me others would be there, but it ended up being just us and she had all her family there last night. I felt like she already had the party and that we were just an afterthought. She was all tired and doing laundry. It sucked.

The girls did look nice in their dresses, and they looked for eggs and ate a ton of candy. They played good for about 2 hours, then the fighting started and it was all downhill from there. We finally left. I felt better when I got home. Nice and quiet. I need a nap, but it's almost 5pm. I have no energy today as usual. Blah

A Good Friday

2006-04-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

Work was slow today. Didn't have much going on by 2pm. Most clients had left early for the day. Had a big downpour of rain in the afternoon that came and went pretty fast. Should be nice this weekend for Easter.

The house got spot-treated for termites yesterday, and when I came home I could totally smell the poison they used. Yucko. Tried to open doors and windows before bedtime. I hate that stuff. At least they didn't have to tent. Randy got Elsa last night instead of tonight, so I had a free evening off. He told me a funny story that had me in tears. I guess when his science class left for the day, he noticed that someone had left a pink, Easter looking bag under one of the work tables. He went to pick it up and looked in. He thought there looked like big pieces of chocolate in the bag and proceeded to take a deep sniff inside the bag. WRONG! It was cat turds and clumps of cat sand. HA HA Maybe one of his students is trying to tell him something. I was dying with laughter. Serves him right. KUDOS to that kid!

Anyway....I went with a friend from work to go out to eat at Maggiano's Little Italy restaurant. It was really good. They have this deal for $25 per person you get an appetizer, salad, pasta dish, entree and a dessert. Add a little red wine on to that and you are set. We shared all our dishes and had muscles in garlic sauce, stuffed mushrooms, Caesar salad, a grilled chicken salad, manicotta in cream sauce, Gnocchi in a tomato Vodka sauce, spinach chicken with garlic mashed potatoes, creme brulee and Spumoni ice cream. Hell ya! I tried a cabernet called Coppola Diamond Series 2003. It was ok, pretty smooth, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Went to see Scary Movie 4 at the Metro Point. It was funny. Lots of unexpected cameos. By 10pm we were out of steam, and I headed back home. I so can't stay out late anymore. I was just glad to go out, and have a free night. Elsa is staying overnight with mom, and dying eggs tomorrow for Sunday. We are suppose to go to Sheila's for Easter, but Audrey had had a fever so I'm not sure now if we will go. I am opening a bank account tomorrow morning to start putting money in. I'm excited about that. New freedom!

A Shower Moment With Me

2006-04-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

These are the weird questions I come up with while in the shower.

Question: If I were a Jewish woman in a concentration camp right now, would the Germans keep me alive? When I see myself naked I think, not so much. Sad.

Ugh, I Had To Do Dishes By Hand Tonight

2006-04-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today some work got done on my house, and one of the things was replacing my kitchen faucet. Yes, it is new and shiney but it doesn't work with my rolling dishwasher. Crap. I had a full load sitting in there too. I had to spend like an hour and a half doing them all by hand. They were like a week old. Yuck! It's the little things you take for granted, but they are so necessary in today's world. I am glad my next place has a real dishwasher. Yeah!

iTunes Thingy

2006-04-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

How many songs? 347 (I know, no where near its potential)

Sort by song title (list first and last):1 I think because the song title is in parenthesis it puts White Zombie Thunderkiss 65 first, and last is Zip A Dee Doo Dah from Song of The South

Sort by time (first and last): Napoleon Dynamite Friggin Idiot soundbite (1 second) and Towa Tei Dubnova Part 1&2 (I first hear this electronic group while watching Liquid Television with Jill and getting stoned 11 minutes and 42 seconds)

Top Twenty Most Played Songs: 1. Magic Dance - David Bowie (this is from Labyrinth and Elsa makes me play this constantly)(32) 2. Planet Claire - B52s (Elsa again)(19) 3. Chilly Down (Labyrinth/Elsa)(17) 4. Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head - BJ Thomas (12), Float On -Modest Mouse (12) 5. One, Two Step - Ciara (11), Run baby Run - Garbage (11) 6. Outkast - The Way You Move (10), Don't Bogart That Joint - Easy Rider Soundtrack (10), Gangsta Lovin' - Eve & Alicia Keys (10), Right Between The Eyes - Garbage (10), Out of Africa (Main Title) - John Barry (10), Facing Hell - Ozzy (10), Invincible - Pat Benatar (10), Carly Simon - Anticipation (10) 7. Do The Walls Come Down - Carly Simon(9), Me & My Girlfriend -JayZ and Beyonce (9), More Out of Africa (9), Diamonds Are Forever - Shirley Bassey (9), Let Me Blow Ya Mind - Eve (9) 8. Everybody's Talkin - Harry Nilsson (8), I Want To Relax Please - Towa Tei (9), Sleeps With Butterflies - Tori Amos (8), Vertigo - U2 (8), The Right Thing To Do - Carly Simon (8), You Belong To Me - Carly Simon (8), James Bond Theme 1962 (8) 9. Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas (7), All I Want Is You - Carly Simon (7),...................................................................................Ok, I just realized this is going to take forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First song that comes up on shuffle? Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up

Find "sex", How many songs come up?: 1, I'm serious!
Find "death", How many songs come up?: None
find "love", How many songs come up?: 6
Go to your media player and put it on shuffle. Use the first 3 song titles that best answers the question:

What do you think of me? Already Gone (Pretty Much) - Eagles, What The World Needs Now -Dionne Warwick (I need Love), Island In The Sun - Weezer (I Need a vacation)

What do my friends really think of me? Shut Your Mouth - Garbage (hey now!), Goodies - Ciara (you know I got 'em), Mr. Roboto - Styx (I do get into my routines)

Do people secretly lust after me? All I Want Is You - Carly Simon, I've Been Everywhere Man - Johnny Cash (sexually no), Work It - Missy Elliott

What should I do with my life? Spirits In The Material World - The Police (buy stuff I guess or start a revolution), Pusher - Stepenwolf (sell/take drugs?), Into the Labyrinth - Labyrinth (I think I'm already there. Which way to go?)

Will I ever have children? No mas!

Will I die happy? Hard Knock Life - Dr. Evil Remix, Gets Me Through - Ozzy (Just living I guess, not happy or sad), Welcome Back - Mase (does this mean going back to heaven?)

Can you give me some advice? History Repeating - Shirley Bassey (I hope not!), Get Him Back - Fionna Apple (oh hell no, I can't beleive this one came up), I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness (I do!)

What's your favorite fetish? I Want To Relax Please - Towa Tei, Bubble Pop Electric - Gwen Steffani (ouch), For Your Eyes Only - Sheena Easton (guess you have to find out)

Spreading Myself Around

2006-04-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, well I am now on PerfectMatch.com, Mate1.com and Single Parents Mingle.com. I am determined to meet someone out there, at least just to talk to. Nothing yet, but hopefully one of these will pan out. At least the latter two are free.

Today was a down day for me. Yesterday I was packing and really getting into it. I did about 25 boxes. Today was totally different. I was depressed and listless. I took Elsa to my parents around 11am. I just wanted to be alone. I did nothing. The TV was boring. I was a wreck. Later in the day I went to Starbucks to try their new Green Tea and Blackberry Frap. It was gross. My mom liked though. It was like puke green color, so not really appealing when they handed it to me. The picture on the menu looked a lot better. Sat at my parents house for a couple hours and that was boring. Came home and watched some Chapelle's show (not with Elsa around), and laughed a bit. I think I needed some good comedy to relieve my blues.

Just got Elsa out of the tub and it's time to put her to bed. I think I will retire early as well. Blah.

Music Quiz

2006-04-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most of?
ABBA

2. What was the last song you listened to?"
Shakira "Don't Bother"

3. What's in your record/CD player right now? Crystal Method Tweekend

4. What song pretty much sums you up?"Carly Simon "Coming Around Again"

5. What's your favorite local band? No Doubt (when they were No Doubt)

6. What was the last concert you attended? Eagles in AZ

7. What was the greatest show you've ever been to? Garbage at the UCI Bren Events Center. During a quiet moment I yelled out to Shirley Manson "I Love you", and she yelled back I love you too! Sweet!

8. What's the worst band you've ever seen in concert? Toss up between LIT & Hot Hot Heat

9. What band do you like musically but dislike the members of? I don't really know any personally

10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been? Other then listening to music, none at all

11. What shows are you looking forward to? I think I just bought tickets to a special Queensryche concert in Oct at Pechanga. They are going to be doing all of Operation Mind Crime (Holy Shnikes)

12. What is your favorite band shirt? Pat Benatar from the 80's t-shirt

13. What music posters do you have up in your room? None

14. What musician would you like to be in love with for a day? Shakira too!

15. Pat Benatar or Cyndi Lauper? Pat. I saw her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy? Ozzy

17. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie? Hello.....if it's me your looking for I'll be dancing on the ceiling. No, the Commodores of course.

18. Punk rock, hip hop or heavy metal? Punk and Heavy Metal

19. Doesn't Primus suck? Well they're gone now aren't they.

20. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek? Si

21. What was the greatest decade for music? 1970's That's why I listen to totally 70s all day at work on my Satellite Radio

22. How many music-related videos/dvds do you own? Maybe 5, all ABBA and 1 Eagles

23. Do you like Journey? If I want to here a sad love song

24. Don't try to pretend you don't!! :)

25. What is your favorite movie soundtrack? The original Blues Brothers

26. What was your last musical phase? Chick Rap

27. What's the crappiest CD/record/etc. you own? Alanis Morissette Jagged Little Pill

28. Do you prefer vinyl or CDs?mp3's

29. All totalled, how much do you spend on music a month? One word, computer.

Keeping The Faith

2006-04-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

I realize that getting through the next few weeks and dealing with Randy will be tricky. He flip flops on moods every week. Wednesday he was talkative and pondering, but tonight argumentative and a major asshole. I just have to take deep breaths, and know that the end is coming. Our separation will be final, and I will be starting a new life. Small steps each week help to ensure that. This weekend will be packing, next weekend opening my own bank account, the yard sale after that and by month end I will not be putting my checks into the joint account anymore. I just hope that Randy closes all our accounts out. The utilities are all in his name, so I don't know if I will be able to tie up our loose ends when it comes time. I will totally try to.

Angels Home Opener, Hell Ya!

2006-04-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

Watching it right now. They introduced the whole team, and then raised the 2005 Western Division Champions flag. I started to get goosebumps and totally was crying. I'm so happy baseball is back. It's all I got man. Licked on the TV when Lackey came out. FSN West showed the whole opening ceremony, even the pump-up clips on the Jumbotron. I totally felt like I was there. I almost bought a ticket for the Sunday game with the Yankees, but it was nose-bleed and I thought I would wait to later in the season.

Sorry I haven't been posting a lot lately. Very busy with packing. That's pretty much my whole weekend ahead here. Spent yesterday filling out the application to the mobile home park. The rule book/rental agreement is at least 100 pages. I also went over to St. Olaf to enroll Elsa in Kindergarten and daycare there for 2006-2007. She will start there in the Summer. I really want her to just go to one school for everything, and then next year go to the school in our area for 1st grade. Lots of changes coming for us for sure.

The close of escrow for my house is suppose to be end of this month. I'm not sure if my mobile home will close at the same time, but we are pushing for that. I may have to rent back to the new owners and live here for a couple more weeks until my new place closes. That should be interesting. I only want to move once people! I'm gonna start having my mail forwarded to my parent's house on the 24th. The yard sale will be on the 22nd. I need to get a checking account opened in my name too, but money is still tight so I have to wait until the last minute unfortunately.

I have repairs to do on this house before it can sell. Looking like around $2,000 too. I hope I can put it on our credit card. Trying to keep from spending money this month on anything misc. I can't wait to have my own bank account, and then dump my proceeds in there to stare at for at least a week or so. About half is going to the new mobile home, but I will still have a savings and that's critical. Everything is so crazy right now. I'm spinning out of control!

Inside Joke

2006-04-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

THIS DUDE IS WHITE!

This has been a running joke with me and the people at work now ever since I saw Michael McDonald in The Forty Year Old Virgin. He was on the TVs in the electronic store where Steve Carell's character worked, and man I always thought this guy was black. I didn't know he was in the Doobie Brothers or I would have never thought that, but since I was a kid I thought the guy singing "What A Fool Believes" was black. I'm serious!

What Do The Time Change And Stupidity Have In Common?

2006-04-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

EVERYTHING! Every person I talked to today was totally retarded all day long. There were 3 accidents on the freeway coming home. It sucked out there today!

Obsessed

2006-04-02T18:33:00.000-07:00

Man all I think about now is this new mobile home. I just put the offer on it this morning. Looked at it again today with my dad. The people were not home, so we got to really check out a lot again. I always find something new each time too. I drew up a floorplan last night and wrote in where all my stuff will go, as well as figured what I need new and what I need to throw out. I think I will try to move my stuff with a big U-Haul and see if someone at work can help me move. I don't want to bother with scheduling a moving company and paying a lot of money for that. I only have 4 things that are heavy and ackward, but the rest is small stuff. I will get rid of a lot too at the next yard sale I have.

I thing this is the most excited I've been about anything in a long time. I am stressed out as well, but it's kind of a balance. I don't have anything planned for this whole month, but packing. I will do something for Easter with Elsa, but that's about it. It was a nice sunny day today. I sat in my backyard for a bit taking in the sunshine and the chirping birds of Spring. They are all busy making their nests and rushing around to prepare for babies. It makes me feel good and optimistic about the future. I am anxious to start my new life.

I Think I Have Made My Decision

2006-04-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I looked at 3 more mobile homes today, one in the same park I have been looking at and one in another park closer to my parents. I am still stuck on the one with the big yard in Michelle's complex. Space #95, built in 1995 with 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths. Washer/Dryer room and a big carport. The space rent starts at $1,250, but unfortunately goes up each year. That's gonna be the tough part of the deal. I may have to get a roommate down the road or something. For now though I am set on this place and want to put an offer on it tomorrow or Monday.

I get excited and terrified everyday about making this big choice. I want to still have money left over for savings and emergencies. That is critical. I will need to budget a lot better then I do now that's for sure. I found at they have Time Warner cable in there, so my channels will be the same and my Internet too. Cool beans. I can't be without that. I think I will start some packing today. Just a little of things I hardly use. My mom went with me today and seemed to like #95. My dad had to work, so he is planning on driving by the two parks this afternoon to check it out as well.

Not much else going on. Usual chores to do. Elsa is watching a Mr. T cartoon marathon on Boomerang.

"I pity da fool!"

My March Madness (Trailer Hopping)

2006-03-29T20:04:00.000-08:00

I couldn't wait to start looking at mobile homes tonight. Tom drove me to a park in GG that I really like, and the one mobile home I wanted to buy before in October is still for sale. The price is lower too! I am ready to make that offer, but Tom wants me to check out a few more places. We looked at 2 other ones tonight that I didn't really care for. One had a nice rock and cactus garden out front, but the rest of the house was not real great. They did have a nice sunk-in tub that the lady never uses because she likes the shower. Overall though not my favorite and it's right next to the park manager's trailer which may not be that cool.

The next mobile home was built in 1968 and has stayed looking that way big time. Scary shag carpet everywhere and even some carpet in the kitchen. Unique layout, but no yard in the back. There is a storage shed with all of these it seems which is good. That one is out though.

I am suppose to look on Saturday at some more mobiles, and I will probably decide by Sunday. I am anxious to get this going since my close of escrow is only 30 days from Friday. Yikes!

A Quiet Evening At Home

2006-03-28T21:39:00.000-08:00

It's been rainy today. I like to hear it on the skylights. Very soothing. Elsa and I did a painting craft together, and then watched Barbie Mermaidia while eating Mac 'n Cheese. The simple things sometimes are the best. After she went to bed I made some tea and watched a little of a Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire movie all wrapped up in my cozy fleece blanket. Ahhhhh.

Manic Day

2006-03-25T23:20:00.000-08:00

It's days like this that I really can get a lot accomplished and feel real on my game. At the same time though I have so many different thoughts running around in my head that I cannot focus on any one thing. I may start out doing one chore, switch to another and then back again. If I do get hooked on one thing then I am soley devoted until I finish. The garage is fabulous looking right now because of that.

I finally separated the last of Randy's stuff from my stuff. Everything of his is on one side of the garage only. His piano is still in the house, but it's too heavy to move. Last night when I was at the movies I had mom come over to relieve Randy so he would not have to wait up. I guess they pretty much ignored each other as usual, but my mom didn't even notice he had taken a bunch of his things from the garage. Just backed right up and filled the van. I saw him leave as I pulled in. Mom said he received a call while he was there and went outside to talk. I think perhaps he is finally moving in with a roommate. Might be this weekend. I have to speculate that because he has left that shit in the garage a year and never took it before now. My other issue right now is trying to find out if he took $3000 of our tax return and is using it for a deposit and first months rent on this new apartment. He told me it went to our Citi card, but I am having trouble verifying it. I tried to call just now and was like so close, but the fuckers ask you so many questions for security that I finally didn't have the answer for one of their questions and now someone has to call me back in 24 hours. I just want the fucking balance assholes! I gotta try to get an online statement or something. I just want to know where the money went!

Went to Staples this morning to start buying boxes. I took home 50 total. Tomorrow I will go to Home Depot for some of their clear stacking boxes. I love those. I think by next weekend I need to go to WAMU and open my own checking account. I need to start squirreling away some funds for this move. Need to separate everything totally and be ready to go. Randy and I had a bad night last Wed. He tried to touch me and I flipped out and threw his hands off me really abruptly. I am over this shit, and wanted him to know it. He got the message loud and clear, but was very pissy about it. I must be vigil in these trying times. I told my parents that I may need to have them here as mediators until the house is sold in a few weeks. Every Wed & Fri. I need them here to block his ass from coming in at all. This crunch time people. I must be really strong now to get through.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

2006-03-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

I just saw V for Vendetta last night, and it was a total mind trip. You can't lose with the voice of Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) from the Matrix as your main character. Go see it on the big screen because this one will not be as visually exciting on a TV.

Some Movie Quotes:

Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: "Who?" "Who" is but the form following the function of "what", and *what* I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that!
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey Hammond: [short pause] Oh... right.

V:"Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. There is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."

V:"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

TRY TO SAY THAT 5 TIMES FAST!!!!!

So Much To Do

2006-03-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

Man it is hard to get myself in gear now that the house sale is finally happening. I keep expecting the buyer to back out at any minute. I have been making lists of stuff I need to do, but a lot depends on where I move to. I can't wait for the sold sign to go up and the lock box to come off. It will be nice not to have to clean so much and have strange people coming in and out everyday. I need to buy a new bed. I'm selling the old Cal King. The mattress springs are poking me and the frame is a little tweaked. It's too much bed for just me anyway. I guess the main thing now is to find a new home. The rest all comes as we get closer to closing escrow.

Started talking to this guy online at PerfectMatch.com, but he kind of put me off when he said he had been on there for 4 months and met lots of women that have been keeping him busy. What a turd! Don't tell me that you retard! So, he's off my list. Another guy with really poor grammar has been trying to e-mail me and I am not interested there either. I have some respectfully declines back from 3 guys I e-mailed to. Losers. Not much else going on with that side of things.

Went to the OCEA bowling night last night. Had a few beers on someone else's tab which is always sweet. Had some free food, and won a big box of See's candy (like I needed that). Bowled 118, yes I know that sucks ass. I only bowl once a year so it ain't that bad. Drove home a little tipsy in the rain. Not good, but I made it. The 22 Freeway is so jacked up. They have been working on this freeway for years, and now the Euclid exit to my house is closed. I swear they need to blow the whole thing up and start over again. I would make it like 15 lanes wide!

That's all for now.

BLOGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

Is it just messing up lately or what? It may be my computer, but I'm not sure. It's uploading my pics slow and sometimes not at all. I can't click on my recent snow pictures to enlarge on the page, and I lose my writings a lot when trying to save or upload. Is this happening to anyone else? Is there a limit to picture space as well?

Palm Springs Aerial Tram Action

2006-03-20T21:43:00.000-08:00

We got to see it snow this weekend! We could not have timed it better. Got up the mountain in the late afternoon after a quaint lunch at the Wheel Inn in Cabazon where the dinosaurs are. The tram was a little crowded, but once at the top most people stayed inside because of the snow. Not us. We were in heaven! Hiked out for awhile to a good sledding spot and went to town. Elsa made snow angels, snow balls and ate a lot of snow. Mom made a small snowman, and dad and I did some sledding. I hiked off to find a really big hill and told my dad to try it too. It was a trip watching him wipe out.

As the sun went down and the temps too, we headed back to the cafeteria for some pie and coffee. It was 16 degrees when we left, and the clouds cleared out so we could see all the lights down in Palm Springs along with all the stars in the sky. Quite a magical time had by all. It was neat taking the tram down at night. Very surreal.

Luck O The Irish

2006-03-17T19:55:00.000-08:00

Hey, maybe today is a lucky day! Tom just called me and said he had an offer just faxed over. Holy shit! I don't want to get too excited about it, but man! The offer is for the $625,000, and the lady has brought in a large deposit which is a good sign. Seems to be approved for a loan. Oh my God!

My Emotional Block Wall

2006-03-17T19:52:00.000-08:00

I guess for the last year now I have been trying to block all my emotions pertaining to the divorce. I have been very successful at it too, but once in awhile the sadness eeks out. Usually it is triggered by a sad song on the radio, a movie scene that hits all to close to home or just Randy's prescence here each week and the wonderfully ambigous and strange things that he says to me. All these things make it difficult to maintain a solid emotional form. Last night was guttwrenching and cleansing all at the same time.

I laid on my bed and Randy was there trying to convince me to have sex, and I just started sulking. I decribed my whole year and the litle progress made within that time at separating myself from a once married status. I told him that it takes longer then you think to try to heal. That you are not really ready for the social light, and must always remain cautious and alert when out in the world. Everday events become so crucial, and routines we cling to in order to feel safe. In all this revelation I guess Randy decided to start pouring out his thoughts on the past year and it all sounded the same. Two people wasted a year of there lives, and the waste continues. Then he asked me if I wished things could be the same as before, but I said no. That would not be possible. The damage is done. He tries to tell me that he thinks he has a guardian angel looking out for him, and that maybe there is a reason the house has not sold in all this time. Like he even has that option of taking back all that has happened. No way! It was sad. Very sad. I had a hard time pulling myself together after that talk. I feel quite ill still.

The Ides (Ideas) Of March

2006-03-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

Hey Rol, remember when Matt Klevos thought it was Ideas of March in Ms. Bosharts class? Anyhoo.........it's just another day. Planning with my parents on going out to Palm Springs to go up the Tram this Saturday to have a snow day. Got sleds ready! We have been waiting to do this for like 2 months now, and they finally got snow with this last storm.

Not much else to talk about. I have been cocooning big time lately. Called off a plan to go out to Casino Morongo with this girl at work because she's too young and immature to hang with. She's a fresh 21, and sees the world in a different light. I feel too old around her, so now I don't want to go. I really need to just focus on where I will go for my May vacation. I'm thinking wine country, but have no definite places in mind or an itinerary yet. More on that as it unfolds. I have decided to go it alone though without Elsa again this year. I really need that time to focus and relax. It's the only time I get all year!

My PerfectMatch.com Personal Statement

2006-03-13T21:34:00.000-08:00

I am a hidden sports fan.

I love football, baseball and just recently NASCAR racing. I need a buddy to watch games with, or even go to a live event. What more could you want in a woman! Maybe that is all you really need.

Is this a good personal statement?

Memories

2006-03-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

Remember I sent this webcam picture to your computer back in the early days of that shit. This is like 1998 I believe.

Starting to get boobs.
Camp Nelson Hawaiian Day
The Plaza Inn at Disneyland
Cal State Long Beach
I was wearing platform blue and white flip flops to graduation that day. I gotta find a picture of those.